Sunday, November 2, 2014


*Brace yourself for a post of nearly all questions that I could not answer myself*

I'm looking in the mirror: I see someone so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. I do not know everything about myself yet I am expected to know myself better than anyone else on this Earth. Why? When so many people know me and see me everyday why am I the sole person who should know me best? Is it because I live with myself everyday, have known me since I was born? My roommate wakes up in the same room as me everyday, she knows my habits, my actions, reactions, emotions. My family has lived with me my entire life, they know almost everything there is to know about me. The simple difference between the people I live with, the people around me, and myself is that I only have access to my thoughts unless I project them. But these thoughts don't necessarily mean I know myself better- they may just complicate things. My emotions internally may effect my actions externally. Those around me will often know what I would do in any given situation before I finish going through all the possible outcomes in my head. Does this mean they know me better than I know myself? Or does it simply mean that their perception and knowledge of me is different than that of myself? I often ask myself if people see what I see when I look in the mirror, do I look different, am I a "better" person? Everyone has had life experiences, personal thoughts, situations that form their view of themselves. There have been several instances in which people have said things to me that I have not believed, praises, criticisms, there have even been instances in which people have claimed to not know me at all- people who have been a huge part of my life. These words and thoughts are fueled by emotions, emotions formed by my interactions with them and with others around them, they know only my actions and words but not my true thoughts. For me, I often do not speak falsities, I project what I believe to be the truth but this is not true of all- how can we believe the words of others if we do not know their thoughts? Is this the foundation of trust?  How do we know ourselves so well if it is impossible to control the subliminal portion of our minds?
Perception is complicated, varied, and biased yet it forms a foundation for nearly all of our thoughts and actions in life.
Just once I wish I could see myself through the eyes of a stranger, through the eyes of one who loves me, and through eyes of one who hates me. Would each be different? Would any match with how I see myself?
I guess I'll never quite know, but a part of me questions how much it really matters...
~A Duck Inspired

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