I really appreciate the support you have given me this year by reading thoughts I never thought mattered. Whether this blog was read by one single person, or thousands- I really would not care to see the difference. The fact that I made a difference through my words to you at some point during this period made more of a difference to me in my quest to find a purpose for myself this year that you will ever know. When my sole purpose in high school was to make people happy, I was more than thrown off guard when those same people no longer surrounded me. I felt like I had no real purpose where I was, back home I was a leader and mentor and I was never made to forget that role. At Springfield, I did everything in my power to prove that I could still be that person for all the lives I was blessed to be a part of during my 18 years in the same hometown. I made time trials in cross-country, stayed in on the weekends, hated myself for the C I was getting in Chemistry, and joined various student organizations. I was determined to make Springfield into what high school had been for me- but I found it impossible. As I came to this harsh reality I began to slip, not necessarily in grades or social standing, but I began to forget who I was. I questioned if I ever knew who I was being that my sole mission in life was to see others smile. I lost sight of what I truly enjoyed in life even though I knew that if I had asked my family and friends they would have told me immediately and been right. It seemed as if everyone knew what made me happy except for me and I was too foolish to ask for help. The year was not lost, I met some amazing people, made some humbling mistakes, and survived with some of my sanity (woo?)! I tried several times to be someone I was not, did everything people expected of me, and almost sustained an ACL injury that would've ended my season... oops. But with that said I'm grateful for what this past year has brought me regardless of its short comings, barriers, and endless questions that still haunt my thoughts to this day.
Though this post is seriously vague and confusing especially after months of not posting, I am about to make it this much more confusing: I will not be posting for a while (as if you haven't already noticed). I'm taking a break to do some writing to myself in attempts to answer some of the questions burning in my head. I did not want to leave you guys hanging as you have been wonderful to me as someone who simply wants their thoughts to be known. If I could share these writings with you I would, but sometimes I don't even know where they lead. I will use them as inspiration for future posts when my feet know paths that take more than just left turns (track puns) and when I can truly put out some clear writing that y'all can understand.
Thanks for being wonderful and I hope that sometime in the (hopefully) near future you'll be reading from this Duck again.
This Duck is going on the pursuit of Happiness,
A Duck Inspired