Long time no post (I'm sorry!!!)

Hi all!
So I realized I have clearly been in my own little world with school, work, and traveling going on at the end of this school year!
But I'm back to tell you that the past two weeks have been some of the most incredible in my life! I worked at the same class I took at the end of last year for a week, OP, which is basically a class outdoors where you live in tents with your assigned unit and take classes during the day like ropes and ecology etc. , at night you do team building and fun activities with your unit! Long story short, I built relationships I never even dreamed of during that week last year, and on an even deeper level this year as staff and I couldn't be any more grateful for the opportunity and happiness it has given me! I'm on my last full day of being out in California with my family, and my time here has been spectacular as well. I always underestimate the greatness of time simply spent with family, especially after a long and challenging year away at school - and it has been fantastic, Wednesday we went on a hike through Pfiefer State Park out in Big Sur, a beautiful expanse of land, wonderful hiking, and rewarding views. At the top of one of the trails, a couple asked us to take a picture of them (they were adorable, she had a puppy in a special dog backpack), so I took the camera and took the picture ....he asked me to take one more so I point the camera AND this guy gets down on one knee in front of his girlfriend (and my parents and I) and asks her to marry him. It was so beautiful, even more so than the view it took place in front of (valley point), and she said yes (and neither of them fell off the side of the cliff so that was awesome)! As if that wasn't amazing enough (I got great pictures for them don't worry), we ran into a man farther down the trail who stopped me when he saw my Springfield shirt. Apparently he grew up in West Springfield,  and currently lives in the Boston area. He even lived in the town bordering ours back home for a couple of years AND his roommate from college lived in my same hometown! It just goes to show what a small world we live in, and how powerful just simply being outdoors is- if it weren't for some quality hiking and camping I wouldn't have my second family down in OP, and I certainly would not have been able to take the role of spontaneous marriage proposals on top of valley mountains. I may not have even truly realized just how connected we all are in this life.
I tried to keep this one short and sweet because I wrote an article on my time in California that should be scheduled to publish somewhere around memorial day, or the day after! I will share it on my facebook page so I would really appreciate the read/share from all you guys! I know I didn't say much about OP later, BUT I will be also writing about that in my next article!
I appreciate all the support from you guys always, and will try my best to be posting more often now that we are in the summer months !
Thanks again!
A Duck That Is Sorry For Not Posting In Sooooo Long (but still loves all of you so very much!)

Sending Smoke Signals

Its about that time of year- the "burnout" stage. The point in the year, semester, work period where we all just stop caring, fall in a rut, or lose sight of our purpose- our call for help : our smoke signal. There are a couple of different paths we can take at this point, most all of them are broken down into the "easy" and the "challenging". For example, those who remain determined, pushing themselves continually through comfort zones; versus those who lose focus, and simply "get by" . Our first path in this example is pretty challenging to begin with, but at the end of the semester the difficulty level increases tenfold for most, finals are here, seasons are coming to final competitions, and friends begin to check out for the summer. It is easy for us to withdraw, to fall behind on our academics, and to mindlessly trudge through our day. How will you respond?
A couple of days ago, I turned down an opportunity to go see a band I'm obsessed with because I was exhausted. When I had talked to my Dad about it, I told him I knew I needed the sleep, the study time, and a quiet night to recollect so I didn't ruin all the work I had put in over the semester. His response? "If you gave up now, it would be like running an entire race just to walk off before the last lap", and he couldn't have put it into a better metaphor (for his track- obsessed, metaphor loving daughter)- and then most everything made sense. Of course I am still exhausted and fighting my urge to pack up and leave this minute- but I know that I never could, not now, not after everything I've worked for. In the past few weeks I could easily walk away from friendships, teams, and relationships that took work and effort. I could withdraw from everyone and everything with the excuse that summer is near, and people I have become close with will be far. I could throw away everything I have built with people in my life that I enjoy and love, I could conveniently forget the good and the bad we've had together, and just walk away. While this all sounds pretty pessimistic and dark, it is something I have seen happen all too much in just the past three days alone. People turning their backs simply because life gets tough, making excuses for their fear rather than voicing their concerns. Relationships and friendships that could have been preserved, started, or saved with communication, a promise, and a little bit of passion. The road less traveled, while often challenging, is absent of the ruts and monotony that characterize the path taken by so many lately; and as much as I am fed up with the indifference hanging in the air - I refuse to follow in suit. When the bell is rung for the last lap...will you be on the track?
With love & faith,
A Duck With Fire

Stressing Our Differences

It is prime time for stress, at work, school, life in general... the seasons change and yet our lives keep on going leaving us yearning for a chance to put a pause on everything. The buzz on self-care is never ending, leaving some of us more frustrated than relaxed. Recently I attended a conference at Harvard University with our group of peer educators on campus, the key note speakers preached the wonders of meditation, telling us that "mindfulness is not possible without meditation" using metaphors such as playing the piano, and then following those same metaphors with the admittance that they had never even played the piano! How were we supposed to sit back and listen to speakers who could not relate to the metaphors they were preaching? Or listen to someone tell us that we could not possibly be mindful or self aware without the act of meditation in our lives? I may not be the best at handling my stress, I may benefit from meditating, but I would by no means claim that I am not aware of my own self... All around me I see people getting into petty arguments, passive aggressive communication (or lack thereof), and self isolation. I also see many people thriving, loving what they do every day and doing it well - living life to the fullest and looking to the bright side whenever possible. My point to all this is, everyone handles stress in their own way. Some of us internalize, others project it on each other, and in some cases I've had friends who simply don't stress at all. My biggest pet peeve in this entire world is when people tell others that their stress is more significant than the next guy. Comments like "oh that's nothing" or "she's overreacting" , no! If I can write an essay in a half an hour and the person next to me takes over two hours, does that mean that I can negate their stress? What if that same person is great at math and can finish a problem set in half the amount of time as me? We all weigh things in our lives differently, we all have strengths and weaknesses that make up who we are. There is no reason, no acceptable excuse, for putting another person down simply because you do not experience the same type of stress. If we all came together and supported each other more often rather than comparing ourselves and making our stress a competition; if we built an atmosphere of understanding rather than hostility- maybe we wouldn't be so stressed in the first place. That being said ,we're all human, we have this innate nature to compete and compare, and of course, we all screw up. Maybe you didn't mean to let that comment slip, or to avoid your friends, or sound hostile- its okay. An apology goes a long way, whether it is immediately after that "oops" moment or even a week later. The most important part of apologies like this is to explain why you snapped that day, rather than simply hiding behind an excuse. For example, I could say "Sorry I snapped at you." or I could say "Sorry I snapped, I have just been so stressed lately, and I'm really not handling it well, I didn't mean to take it out on you" that way, I take responsibility but also give reason. If a friend says that to me, I'm usually more inclined to be concerned about that friend rather than being upset about the situation. In times of high stress, its important to keep in mind that we aren't the only ones, and if you see a friend struggling- its better to say something, than to completely ignore it. Its amazing how far a simple "how are you?" can go . 

Take care of yourself in anyway that you do, keep kicking ass at life, and keep an open mind. 

Wishing the best and utmost support for every one out there! (Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!) 

~ A Duck Just Doing Life 

Filling Our Cup

More often than not, and I am guilty as well, I hear people saying three words much too often ....No, not "I love you"(although opinions on that later), but "I hate people". A statement that slips off our tongue unknowingly when someone cuts us off in the street, or fails to hold the door, or maybe even when you see something tragic on the news. But, in the past couple of weeks, I've found that people are quite remarkable. At school, I see people everyday juggling competitive majors, jobs, and sports. A teammate who just clinched all american status while in one of our toughest majors at Springfield, and completely humble at the same time. One of my residents in the air force wakes up several morning a week at 4:30 to go to PT, then comes back for classes and track practice- he's on an air force base in New Jersey during our spring break. I see people around me everyday pushing their comfort zones, getting involved, and helping others be their better self. Then there are the people you don't see everyday, the people who are in the back of your mind always, people back home, or even a someone you have come in contact with no more than twice. Upon coming home, I've been inspired and lifted by the people around me. Of course, being home with my family and dog is usually all I need to recharge for my next return to classes, work, etc. But this break I have taken so much away from my interactions with others. When I went to get my hair cut, only the second time ever seeing this particular hair dresser, she remembered I did track and which school I had gone to- it had been months since I've met this woman for the first time, and she still took the time to remember what I cared about. The mother of two small kids, with a crazy busy life, remembered mine - and that simple thought meant more to me than I could ever explain in words. I went to see our school band concert last night, and was blown away by the talent some of these kids had. Kids I watched grow up, some even my campers over the summer years ago, and they were absolutely incredible. The transformation, the dedication they have put into what they love was beautiful. During the show, the band director had select high school students introduce the songs they performed. One walked up, potentially one of my favorite humans in the world, capturing the hearts of the crowd immediately. Cracking jokes, walking across the stage, he transitioned into a beautiful poem from which the piece was based and suddenly the crowd, howling with laughter just seconds before, went silent with awe. This kid, never ceases to amaze me, warm my heart, and support me in everything I do - and for that I will always be grateful, as I am grateful to everyone who makes themselves a part of my life, and lets me into theirs. To the boy who still takes my calls when I need it most, and threatens to drive two hours just to give me a hug, and offers to drive me to orchestra rehearsals because he knows I miss it- the same boy I've hurt in the past. His forgiveness and care leaves me in awe everyday, no matter how much we get on each others nerves. "The squad" back at school who never fail to listen to any thing I have to say, no matter the hour, or the stress they are enduring themselves. It is people like this, the people we say we "don't deserve", that we deserve the most. The people I described are a mere few of the crowd I've been lucky enough to be surrounded with throughout my life. People I have let into my life as they have opened the door to theirs. A concept so many people struggle with is self-care and self-love, myself being the worst culprit, a concept I am beginning to learn and accept whole heartedly, especially after this break. We need to remember that we deserve the people who support us, that they are there because they want to be, and those people you try so hard to please? The people who can't seem to give you the time of day? They aren't worth it. Our hearts can only stretch so far, and we sure as hell should not be bending over backwards for the people who can't even extend their hand to us every once in a while. It is time to realize that we deserve what we put out, that we are worth supporting- we are worth the time of day. With so much going on, and so many people dealing with the same stress, it is easy to lose that self love, to give away everything you have to others rather than leaving some love for yourself. So lets start being aware, and leaving something for ourselves- respect, love, and appreciate what you are to others and start living life for you! 

Let's fill that empty cup.

~A Loved Duck 

Calling Home

If I had a dollar for every time someone has confessed their desire to go home to me this week , I would probably be able to at least restore all the dining dollars I've used this semester. For a lot of us it is the busiest time of the semester and spring break seems worlds away, BUT I'm here to tell you : you got this. So many people seem ashamed when they tell me they want to go home, they feel defeated and childish- but that couldn't be farther from the truth! Touching back at home base is not a point of weakness, or immature- for some of us its just what we need. So many people underestimate (or simply forget) the power of a mental break. It seems that all we do anymore is trudge through everyday, and push our limits in ways that are not always healthy. Of course, we can't just blow off assignments or deadlines at work , but in a society where we do so much "extra" we rarely stop to think "why am I doing this?", and we start to lose purpose. That is not to say that you should just up and quit whatever you can't immediately identify purpose in, but evaluating our day to day life and what we do is not always a bad idea- and for some people, it takes a trip home to touch ground again (and that's perfectly okay!). For example, this week my back has been acting up to a point where even sleeping (my favorite activity) is not so enjoyable all the time. For this entire semester I've just treated pain and pushed through because I love track, I love my teammates, and I love everyone back home who watched me and helped me, essentially, to become the person I am. I put on a stubborn face and push through rather than stepping back because I convince myself I have to. I convince myself that I would be a disappointment to my team, that I would be forgotten by people back home, and that I would probably get fat (okay maybe not, but I did eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's last night and yes, I do feel like I am what I ate which happened to be "Chunky Monkey" ) if I take a break to heal. Long story short, if I actually stood back and evaluated my situation I would see that my team will go on, my friends and teammates back home will not ignore me because I'm riding the struggle bus, and as for getting fat-I really just need to control my intake of peanut butter cups. All in all, health is priority! I forget, and I've seen an overwhelming number of others (friends and classmates alike) forget as well! Time off of  practice in my training season will not kill me just as wanting to go home, or needing to take some time for yourself will not make you any less of a person. At this point in the semester, year, and our lives we have to remember that "you can't pour from an empty cup". We put so much pressure on ourselves to help others, that we forget we are not invincible. When we realize we're not the next superhero, its overwhelming.  So don't be afraid to make that call home, take some time for yourself, or go to others for help. We can't always do life alone, especially if we've formed our lives and schedules for others rather than ourselves. So take a deep breath and a step back - you aren't alone. You can do this- I know and believe it wholeheartedly.  So lets keep communicating, because no one can know what you need if you don't ask. Lets be patient, because not every one deals with personal situations the same way.  Lets be confident because we are gonna kick ass in our last couple weeks before break and in life. Lets listen to others but, more importantly, ourselves and our body because we can't do anything 110% if we aren't feeling 110%  (so STAY HEALTHY...yes I am a hypocrite, I'm working on it). And lastly, Lets do this. 

Go forth and conquer! 

~A Duck Confidently (and Tiredly) Flapping her way through life 

Expecting the unexpected

Let me start with: I'm sorry friends, I know I skipped a week but it just goes to show that everything slips away from us every once in a while! The important thing is, we're alive and I promise I will not make a habit of skipping out on all y'all ! 

These past two weeks have been absolutely and utterly ridiculous, I can't even begin to describe them because I couldn't honestly tell you where the days started and ended... But needless to say, I ran into a lot of highs and lows, routine and spontanaeity, and just the plain unexpected. This week, for me, has been all about breaking comfort zones and accepting the fact that I cannot always dictate where life takes me. This means opening my mind and my heart to situations I wouldn't normally ! For example, over the summer I developed this crazy fear of falling ... Yet I found myself climbing our rock wall on campus on a whim one day, and starting to learn pole vault for the majority of the week. Did I magically get over my fear of falling? Of course not. Is my mind more open? Absolutely. Small steps don't necessarily move mountains, but they bring us that much closer to overcoming what we once thought to be impossible. Life can be full of unexpected twists and turns, ups and downs, tears and laughter -but without them I doubt we would truly know what life is. One of my good friends made a really great analogy and joke the other day.  She turned to me a said "Kat, Life is like an EEG, without the ups and downs , you're probably just dead". While a hilarious and dark analogy, it just goes to show - those low moments in our lives aren't so bad after all! Without them, would we know if our highs truly exist? So instead of just watching life throw curve balls at us, let's throw life a couple of curveballs ourselves-be proactive. Climb that Rockwall (even if you only make it halfway up before panicking). Stop ignoring your fears. It's time for us to know we are NOT invincible but we ARE unstoppable. Keeping an open mind is just the start of a life more beautiful than we could ever imagine- a life that should never again be clouded by a closed mind. 

Much love to all of you on this fine Valentines Day! 

A Duck Empowered 

The Best of a Bad Situation

This past week I've realized again and again the impact we all have on one another, and the power that comes with simple interaction every single day. We can be the best of a bad situation simply through how we act , speak, and gesture towards the people we come in contact with day in and day out. Caught in such busy schedules we often forget that  just a simple smile to a stranger could make that individual's day- isn't that powerful? A funny note left on a whiteboard, a couple minutes of pure listening to what a friend has to say, a simple hug or laugh- all small gestures that could remind the person next to you that they mean something. So often we take the little things for granted, we either don't notice them, ignore them, or stop doing them all together - why? With the power we have to make a positive impact on somebody's day, week, life- why wouldn't we take the opportunity? There is nothing worse than feeling like you mean nothing- we have the influence necessary to stop that nonsense! So before you avoid contact with that stranger you're passing, ignore a text from a friend because "you're in the middle of something", or forget to call your mom for the third time this week - remember that you could be the best of a bad situation, that you could put the smile on their face that they haven't had for a week, or release the laugh they've been holding in for much too long.

Now, think of who those people in your life, the people who bring you the most happiness, who do those little things that make you laugh, the things that could make you smile through your worst day (you know, those days where you refuse to smile, that friend who'll get in your face and do the most ridiculous things you've ever seen just to see that frown disappear for even a second. That friend you almost resent for making you smile when you don't want to, but you love too much to be mad at?). Keep those people in your life, they probably look to you for the same- life is too short to please people who simply don't give a shit about you. That's not to say that you should be rude- still smile at strangers (in a less creepy way than that sounded), just stop bending over backwards for people who would take a step out of their way for you! It' s simply not worth the frustration, again, make the kind gestures, but when it comes down to it- you cannot be responsible for an individual's happiness when they don't give your own happiness a second thought.

My last point is probably going to be the most hypocritical of all and that it- stop being so damn hard on yourself. All of us have our strengths and weaknesses, we all see ourselves in a different light, with a different worth- but realize you aren't some wrong-doing beast. Take positives out of every situation, no matter how small, and work with them. For example, this weekend we competed our first full pentathlon of the season and out of three Springfield athletes that participated I was the only one of us that didn't qualify for championships. After all of our double practices, frustration, and work- I came up short. I was devastated, I didn't want to hear my teammates tell me I did a "good job" let alone look them in the eye, I saw myself as a disappointment, failing at the only thing I truly work my ass off for. I see my personal loss as a disappointment to the team I care about, to the coaches that put everything they have into our training, even to everyone back home. Do they look at me as a failure? Of course not. They see an 80 point improvement from last year, they see a dedicated teammate, a stubborn athlete, and a girl who cares just a little too much. Were they disappointed I didn't qualify? Well I hope so! They care about my success, they know how much it all means to me - those are the people we need in our lives. The people who are disappointed for us rather than in us, the people who will sit in an empty hallway and watch you cry for fifteen minutes while you tell them you aren't good enough (until they want to slap you in the face but don't because they know they've been there before), the people who remind you of even the smallest victories (even if you're too stubborn to hear it), the people who remind you what you mean to them- the people who make the best of a bad situation. 

~ A Hypocritical Duck who just wants to see y'all smile