Seeing into the Future

Over the past semester I have caught myself thinking, more than once, "I wish I could have seen if this was worth it" when things haven't gone my way with either people or things in my life. For classes I think this after I get a bad grade on a test, "well I wish I would've studied more" or "I could've studied less , this test is nothing". I blame my inability to see the future, or the difficulty of the test rather than own up to the fact that I should've studied more or in a different way. In reality, I should just be owning up to my own mistake, learning from it, and moving on. With other people, I wish that I could see if they were actually as invested as I am in a friendship or a relationship, to see if I should put in the same amount of effort or if I should just leave. But this isn't me either- why should I base how much I care on how much others care? I'm not saying that someone who does not appreciate you should deserve all your attention, but if you happen to care about that person- why hold back? Life isn't meant to be lived in moderation- feel with your entire heart, learn with your entire being, and be open completely to new experiences. If something is new to you, let it scare you-but don't let it stop you. Don't let your fear of not knowing what to do, where to go, or how to act stop you from something that could be wonderful. Let others teach you, take a leap of faith once in a while, something new is not the end-all be-all of your life. A relationship, for example, is terrifying for a lot of people- it is new, it is foreign, it is awkward-but could it be worth it? One may argue "I am happy with what I'm doing now, why would I try something new if what I'm doing is working just fine? " Valid point, but a point I've heard way too many times in the past year. Just because you are happy now, does not mean you need to block yourself off from all other aspects of life- this is simply an excuse for your fear. Stop using it. New experiences does not mean giving up the life that you lead now. Though a relationship is compromise, it is not necessarily change - just because you are in a relationship does not mean that the two of you have become one person-no! You are your own person who makes your own decisions, and if you were an extension of someone else it would not be healthy. Your partner does not have to always agree with you or your decisions, they don't have to be attached at the hip- they simply have to be supportive and respectful. Respect and support is important in any relationship, romantic, familial- anything. Respecting the fact that people are responsible for their own decisions and actions is important so that it does not become a controlling relationship, and support is important because life sometimes gets the best of us. When it does, having friends/family/a partner that will support you is of the utmost importance. Does this mean that we expect you to baby us or pity us? No. Listening is the best support, when one refuses to listen - whether it is a subject that pertains to them or not, its a slap in the face. It doesn't take much to listen, but it means the world when you do.
Another thing that I will preach until the day I die is- communication. Nothing is more important to the success of any situation or type of relationship than communication. In a work setting there are meetings to discuss progress, task assignments etc. - if we didn't have these meetings, no one would know the status of the company or who should be doing what, and this would probably end in the failure of the company. In a roommate situation, if you are bothered by something and you don't tell them or bring it up, you will never find a solution because the roommate will never see an issue. If you constantly let things build, they're eventually going to blow up in your face (hint hint to those of you who are going to college next year, be a good roommate!). In a team setting, like volley ball for example, you see players yell things during the game like "mine" or "got it" or maybe even call out another player's name. This form of communication helps prevents players bumping into each other, makes sure that the ball isn't missed, and ultimately increases potential of success for the team. So please, if there is anything I want all of you readers to take away from this entire blog it is this-make a genuine effort to communicate with the people in your life. Don't run from them- its going to be uncomfortable in some situations, its going to be new, and you probably are not going to be very good at it at first- but please start trying now, for your sake, for their sake, for the sake of humanity! Communicating is a guaranteed way to show someone that you care, that "you in this", that you are at least trying to make an effort. I learned from so many people and experiences that "communication is key" and one of my life missions is to help people see the truth in that.
So before you wish you could see into the future, remember that you have a role in determining your own future.
Communicate often, keep an open mind, and take responsibility (just remember that life isn't always about responsible decisions, its okay to be a little irresponsible once in a while ).
Lots of love, and much appreciation to all you wonderful readers!
~A Duck Inspired

My Hero(s)

Do you remember elementary or middle school when most of us had to do some sort of project or write a paper on our "hero" in our life (in my case, several times). Every time it was this internal struggle of whether to pick your mom or your dad, or some relative, maybe a friend those were the typical options as a small child. We were always told to pick one hero in our lives and write about them or speak about them etc. One hero...why? In Psychology the subject of heroes came up in discussion and it was said that "a hero is a person who is in the right place at the right time, one time". So now we have two restrictions in our perceptions of a "hero": we can only have one hero and a hero is simply someone in the right place at the right time. No! I am surrounded by heroes-to have just one hero would be miserable. My friends and family are my support beams, they are my heroes because they keep me going everyday, they give me a reason to live. And then there are the unsung heroes in society, not just firefighters, doctors,police, EMTs; what about your mail person? Your fellow custodian? The factory worker in the background? We forget about these people that keep our society, our economy, us as individuals-alive. You mail person keeps you connected, allows for a web of communication, love, business, even that junk mail you can't stand (it has to serve some purpose). Your custodian keeps you out of your own filth, keeps us civil, and allows our quality of life to be livable (we know that some of you would not survive without them...c'mon guys). And the workers we always take for granted because we are in a world where everything just appears on a shelf for us or online - its awesome! But because of this incredible availability to consumers, we forget about the people that make those goods that we use everyday possible for us. Does the definition of hero have to be set in stone? Is it subjective? To me, a hero is personal- there is no right or wrong, black or white, just a whole lot of light when everything else seems dark. So I guess my definition of hero is one word: light. Light helps us to see, light is the warmth that keeps us alive. A hero is a light. So find your light and don't let it go out. Don't shut out important people in your life. Love and be loved (and never be afraid to sound cliché if you truly believe in it).
A Duck Inspired

Loneliness and Loving

Sometimes we lose our place, our way, our mind, and on those days sometimes we feel completely alone. There are two paths from here: Accept loneliness and ignore those around you, or really pause and accept that you have some really awesome people looking out for you. Of course, we all need time alone, time to compose ourselves when we're about to lose it, but don't bar the door forever! People love you, they care about you, and most certainly worry about you. Look around sometime and just think. Think about all the times of frustration, sadness, anger, and desperation you've had. Who was there? No one? Or was it really just you secluding yourself? Now think about who was there in times of happiness, excitement, laughter, and pride. Who was there? Probably the same people that were there for you at your worst. What we don't understand too often is that we don't need to be at our best for people to accept us at our worst. Its okay to let things slip once in a while, failing is not always negative in the scheme of things, and falling in front of people (both literally and figuratively) is better than falling when you're alone because guess what? There are people to help you up and you won't be on the next "Life Alert" commercial! But in all seriousness: next time you feel terribly alone, miserable, or otherwise- ask yourself if you're truly alone. When the answer is "no", let the people who love you in- you may think you're doing them a favor by shutting them out, or "protecting them" but that's when you need to get over yourself. They want to help you, your problems are not the end of their world, and with their support it won't be the end of your world either. Lastly, with Valentine's day here I feel obligated to say this: don't take people for granted. Don't wait to tell anyone that you love them or that you care about them. Sometimes I wonder if we didn't have these holidays built into our calendars, our schedules etc. would we remember to appreciate those around us at all? With a society based so much on time and deadlines we often forget what is truly important in our lives, instead we just try to get through the next item on our to-do list (don't get me wrong, I love my to-do list). So try spreading some of that love I know you all have- pleasantly surprise someone, you'll make their day (maybe even their week!). So throw it back to kindergarten today and do some "Show and Tell", show and tell those you love and those who support you how much you appreciate them.
Love Always,
A Duck Inspired

Pressure These days...

While most parents and some students will tell you that there is more pressure on students today than there ever has been I am here to tell you that we do it to ourselves. Sure, there is a feeling that doing "more" is necessary for success, and of course colleges are looking for the most well rounded student out there but is it truly necessary for us to try and be a part of every activity out there? No. Again, as I have mentioned in my previous post I am a hypocrite and I am that student getting involved with as much as I can get my hands on, but is anyone putting a gun to my head? No. So I guess what I'm trying to say is the cliché, "do what you love". Life is too short to do things that stress you out for no good reason (except for school, that will probably stress you out but its mostly necessary so deal with it). For example, I do track - I LOVE track. Do I get stressed because of it? Of course. As an athlete of any level you often feel pressure to attain and maintain certain standards and reputations, when these standards seem to be infinitely out of reach it gets frustrating and stressful. That being said, when I step back I know that I can always say that the stress was worth it, that track truly does make me happy, that I always have a team to fall back on, and that track has given me more life skills than I could ever imagine. So find your "track", find something not that won't stress you out, but that when it inevitably does, it will be worth it. This being said, you may have more than one "track" in your life....go for it! Until you reach the point where you step back and realize "wow, this is most definitely not worth it", then do everything and anything you can that you love- but know when to stop. Surround yourself with people who will remind you why you participate in whatever activity it is and will try to stop you from doing whatever that is when you don't realize how unenjoyable it truly is for you (make sure those people will also stay friends with you when you tell them they are wrong countless times because only you can realize and make the decision to stop).
This being said: find something you can do besides your "track", as the hypocrite I am I really haven't found that yet, but I do recognize that I love John Green books and mugs full of orange blossom tea so when all else fails- you can find me in a corner reading with a mug of tea (approach cautiously). SO if you can't find some other activity to keep you occupied, at least find your "John Green and Tea" , because we all need to walk away from the things we love most sometimes especially when we're frustrated. Time away usually brings perspective and reason (and sometimes even makes you less stressed!), if you continue to be miserable- you might consider reevaluating your favorite activity. If you do make the decision to stay with that activity, please do us all a favor- do not be a chronic complainer. Of course we all complain, and of course there is always a point where we just feel like everyone and everything is against us. I promise you- we are not all out to get you, take this a your cue to step back and reflect a little....or curl up in your corner with your mug of tea. You will get through it and there are people that will help you always (and if you don't believe that, then come find me) but DO NOT complain all the time about every little thing in your life. I promise you that eventually those people will no longer want to help you, they might anyways, but just know- it is not an enjoyable task.
At this point of the year, stress level vary- high school students are submitting applications to college or catching up on the homework they've waited to do until the last two days of vacation, college students are in the middle of their luxuriously long break (either ready to get back to school or wishing they never have to return), and everyone else is either back to work, or on retirement, Granted, these are hugely stereotypes and I could be completely off base but the point is- we are all stressed at some point. Just because you are not stressed, does not mean that other people can't be stressed (students: just because we are stressed does not mean that our parents can't be stressed too....just remember that)- know that everyone is fighting their own battle and just try to be civil to everyone (even if you feel it quite impossible). So I guess if you take anything out of this I hope it is this: Do track and read John Green ....so , do what you love and then some. Oh, and be nice. Please just please be nice as much as humanly possible because the way I see it, there is nothing this world needs more than a bit more positivity.
A Duck Inspired

Appreciation

In a season we dedicate to being thankful/grateful, I find that around this time of year is when we are the most hypocritical. There's always that "I am thankful" post on Thanksgiving through various forms of social media, pictures of friends and family, descriptions of everything someone has done that you are thankful for. I am in no way against these posts, by all means tell that person or those people that you appreciate them but why wait until Thanksgiving to say it? Why not express that every day? Even just once in a while for no particular reason, I feel like that is a more true representative of the gratitude you hold for someone or something. Lately, I've found myself increasingly grateful for certain aspects of my life yet decreasingly grateful for others. For example, I went home for the first time in three months over Thanksgiving and was so happy to have finally been with my family and high school friends again, ecstatic to finally run through a neighborhood without having to look over my shoulder, and relieved to again be in the high school that was once my second home. But by the second day I realized how much I truly missed every back here in college, my floor mates, my friends, my second family- I realized then how much I had taken them for granted. Its times like these that you learn the most, its those realizations that you could do better, appreciate people more, and really be grateful for the opportunities you are given. I've been given more opportunities than I can count here in Springfield one of them being an athlete on the Track and Field team here. This is one of my many examples of self hypocrisy- track is my passion, I love it more than anything no matter how much I struggle to be successful in it, no matter how awkward I appear when I do it, I have more passion for track than I have anything in my life so far. I have been given the opportunity to compete this weekend after training the hardest I ever have in my life, but today and yesterday I found myself complaining about track. Voicing some of my frustrations was justified however one of my frustrations was that I am only definitely competing in long jump, maybe hurdles...who really knows? My first thought was "I have been running twice a day and working my butt off why would you put me in one of the events I basically suck at? And why weren't my Coaches giving me criticisms while I was jumping yesterday? Do they care? Do they even know how much I put into this?" I was looking at it the wrong way and I was being selfish and here's why: I never once considered that they may see potential in me for more than I see potential in myself. While I am here believing the only thing I could possibly excel in is running, they see something in me that could eventually be good at other events like long jump. They probably want to see me jump to see how I perform in a competition environment, to see how I can improve and be successful. Secondly, there are more people than just me on the team, while its frustrating that I'm not always getting the criticisms I want and need in practice, I have to remind myself that they are doing the best they can with 40 girls and that honestly, there are bigger priorities than the freshman who can't jump. And lastly, there are people who are not given the opportunity to compete in anything whether they are physically incapable or do not have the resources, I should really just be glad I am even here and able. So basically I have told you all this and at this point you're probably wondering why I bored you with that long and whiney story- its because I learned. I learned from being ungrateful and used it to see things differently.
So if you're a hypocrite like me don't be afraid to admit it and learn from it! It's such a habit to hyper focus on certain aspects of our lives but it's so important to step back every once in a while and really look at this big picture- the whole situation. We all slip, and we can all learn something from it. Use this season as an opportunity to truly show your gratitude because through all the frustrations of daily life, we all need it.
Have a wonderful day, month, week, season, year, life....everything! And remember- you have more potential than you could even imagine, so share it with everyone you can, start that chain reaction of greatness!
~A Duck Inspired

Trust

So often we trust so easily or not easily enough, but in such a wonderful and miserable world- how do we truly know who to trust? Usually, we trust someone until they prove us that we should never have trusted them in the first place and when this happens one too many times-we stop trusting all together. Does it ever have to get to this point? If we all just knew who to trust always then we would never have this problem right? If everyone was completely transparent in their motives and purpose, emotions and feelings, then we would know exactly who to trust right (and there would be absolutely no mystery...boring...)? But maybe its not so simple, some people do present themselves as transparent, they are clear in their actions, concise with their words but in the end- we are human. We are dynamic we experience things in life that change our outlook, our motives, our thoughts- just because we are transparent does not take our right to change our minds. It is bound to happen, we are bound to change our views or thoughts and suddenly that person you once trusted, has changed. Do you still trust them? By trusting them still you risk getting hurt but it goes the same for when you stop trusting someone- you hurt more than just yourself.
Over my life I have trusted and been let down, I have trusted and been supported, and have been trusted and lost it. Being let down is never pleasant, whether you expect it or not- it stings. Learn from every experience but especially these because times when you're most emotional often reveal the most valuable lessons, lessons that you will remember (hopefully). Personally, I have "learned" from these lessons, yet continue to trust untrustworthy people... getting hurt sucks honestly but I wouldn't trade it for the world because, personally, I rather be open to all and get hurt every time than be closed to all and never get close to anyone. When trust works out it is one of the most comforting feelings this world can offer. There is almost nothing better than being supported and loved unconditionally by those around you, and this is exactly what trust entails. When you lose someone's trust, however, it is probably one of the worst feelings in life. The person who once trusted you, no longer feel protected by you, they don't feel loved by you, and they certainly don't feel your support. Everyone makes mistakes and there are several situations that could lead to this but it is important to put in the effort needed to gain this trust back gradually but ONLY if you are willing to continue to put in the effort. If you are not committed, there is no point in breaking someone's heart a second time. "Trust is earned, not given" and it certainly takes a while to gain back after it is lost, so be patient and be understanding.
Trust is risky, trust is terrifying, and trust is complicated. But trust is also so simple and clear. Love unconditionally and you will gain trust, you will likely get hurt more than once in your life- learn from it. Be patient, be kind, and be understanding. Trust in trust and you will be gratified.
~A Duck Inspired

Communication

**various forms of the word "communication" are used over 21 times in this entry... I apologize in advance, it wasn't easily avoided...but my hope is this: if I repeat communication that many times, people will actually start utilizing it...(its worth a shot)***


"Communication is key" one of many pieces of life advice I will always remember from my track Coach, a saying that should apply in everyones' life. In a world where communication is now so complicated, people forget how simple it is. Communication can be anything from being clear on where you walk on the sidewalk when you pass people (you know those awk dances you have with strangers when you don't know where each other is walking?), those awk dances can be avoided by being clear. Communication can be visual, body language is everything- its when our body language doesn't match our words that we have issues. Clear and concise- they're the two most important elements of communication.
Any type of relationship: a friendship, a familial relationship, a romantic relationship, business, academic, etc. will deteriorate the second communication within that relationship stops. In a world full of such technology that "aids" our communication with forms of messaging such as texting and social media such as twitter and facebook etc. it seems that we have forgotten how to interact as human beings. So do these ways of communication really help us communicate? Or are they simply leading to a movement of miscommunication? Am I a hypocrite? Yes. (I told you that from the beginning). I have a twitter, instagram, facebook, and look! A blog...Hi. However, one thing I always make sure of in my daily life, is to improve upon and practice effective communication. While we have so many forms of electronic communication, there is no reason why we can't see each other face to face and have a wonderful conversation... that's my favorite part about having relationships and interactions with other people! Is it truly an interaction if you are hidden behind a screen? Is that the difference between interaction and communication? Or can we simply just not have quality interactions without effective communication? Personally, communication is something I stress in my relationships with people now so often because I have made so many mistakes with miscommunication before. Conflict can often be prevented with a simple conversation, an update of "where you're at", a discussion of issues, a debate- all forms of communication that help others better understand each other. Take that step. Tell someone you care about them, or if something is bothering you. If you don't understand something-ask. Don't let others tell you how you how a person feels without actually speaking to them- this is where assumptions are made, feelings are hurt, and relationships are broken. A friendship that could have easily been saved with a singular conversation.

Another point that leads into one of my biggest pet peeves is that: it takes more than one person to communicate in a relationship of any kind. If you are unwilling to communicate with me, I will try to fix it. Its when I cant fix it that I become frustrated. I will put everything into a relationship, friendship you name it, and I often don't expect much out of it. All I expect out of a relationship in my life is: respect and communication. If you do not put in an effort to maintain communication or interaction it is a major sign of disrespect. This goes for all the types of relationships listed above! For example, if a friend is upset at you for something they heard from someone else but is unwilling to confront you about it, they show that they are also unwilling to communicate-this is bad. If you try to salvage this and they are still unwilling to speak to you this is the point where the relationship is nearly destroyed. Don't get to this point. Just communicate. Have that awkward conversation, risk that argument-but don't risk your friendship by the fear or inability to express your emotions and thoughts towards that person. You are human, you will make mistakes, say things you may regret but don't fear it. Your effort to communicate will overpower the inconveniences of being human so get our there and don't just talk to people- talk with people.
~A Duck Inspired