My Cup of Coffee

Happy Weekend Everyone!
What woke you up this morning? Was it the smell of coffee? The mock AP test you had to take? Early shift at work?
While recalling what physically woke you up this morning, is wonderful (I was woken up by my lovely and persistent pooch)- what I really would like to know, is what truly motivates you each and everyday? I find so often, that so many people cannot see what truly motivates them, or they are still struggling to find it. Maybe their motivation is in a state of transition, temporarily lost in a change of schools, or between jobs. To me, knowing my motivation has a always been a huge part of who I am. It bothers me when I sleep walk through my day, when I don't know why I am doing something, or when I don't feel any passion or drive for the task at hand.
There are so many times throughout the year that I find myself questioning what drives me, and when I find others doing the same. Maybe its a busy time in school, mid terms or finals, suppose you are prepping for championship season in your sport, or maybe its nearing the end of the quarter at work- we all run into "those times", its a part of every day life for every one. What matters the most- is how we respond and regroup.
This semester in particular was challenging on several levels. Academically, I believe I can get several people to attest, but I can also say that the majority of us put our heads down and got through it (quite successfully might I add!). This semester, however, also challenged me athletically, showing me what I am able to do - revealing the potential I hold, and leaving me fighting to maintain progress, instead of my typical burn out and regression cycle. I was challenged in the relationships I held with people- but through the challenges I built bonds and experienced situations that have taught me more than I ever would have expected going into the semester- because nearly nothing that did happen, was expected. And though it was one surprise after another, I learned a fantastic amount not only about those around me, but myself as well. Now, I am fully aware of how cliche that all sounds, but for the most part its true!
Throughout my life I haven't been one to embrace change, I like routine and order, and when the peace is broken in the organized little safe haven I've built myself, I am not a happy camper. What got me through each change this semester was going back to my roots, and recognizing my purpose. There were times, of course, that you don't even want to think about purpose- you just want the madness to stop, which is normal but pretty damn unproductive. Not to say I haven't done that, but when I did find myself in that mind frame, I most always sought a friend and stayed with them until I could cool off and get back to work.
As for recognizing my motivations, it wasn't always so easy, things change, and humans are dynamic- what motivates us could change in an instant. For me , I was always motivated by teammates and track in high school. When I got to college, I was a part of a different team, people I haven't grown up with and spent hundreds of hours with - so of course it took a while to warm up to that motivation again (which I am happy and grateful to say I have!). My career plans have always been a huge motivation to me. When I wanted to be a veterinarian, I volunteered at an animal shelter every weekend, and fell in love with University of Vermont and Tufts (top vet schools in the country currently). But after over 11 years of having my heart set on being a vet, I changed my mind one day looking at colleges and decided that Physical Therapy was for me. All my research had to be redone, gears were changed, and suddenly I was on track to look at Springfield (which I immediately fell in love with).
There is nothing  wrong with changing focus, but know that there will always be judgement. So often, I see schools teaching kids tolerance and acceptance, and while tolerance is a beautiful thing - in our current state, total acceptance is not attainable. I have seen opinions muted, generalities spread, and controversy banned simply because we are "afraid" of hurting the feelings of others. We have set up an environment which we say is free and nonthreatening, but in reality there are very few people who feel comfortable sharing their true and unedited opinions in public and especially in the classroom - because debates are "not appropriate". In high school, I learned the most from classes in which we had debate nearly every single class, we were never uncivil or crude- we simply discussed our opinions and were not afraid to disagree. Now that debate has seemed to be eliminated in so many class rooms and in general, I see more and more passive people every where I go. People who don't seem to have an opinion on much of anything, seemingly indifferent to even the most controversial of subjects. I find it interesting how so many believe that we can truly make progress and change, in an environment that is so afraid to speak their mind. Without differing view points and controversy we remain stagnant and resentful. We believe that no one hears us or understands our situations, its like everyone has their blinders on and their fingers in their ears going "LALALALA I CANT HEAR YOU LALALA" . Well maybe its time that we opened our ears, and shook those blinders off. Maybe its time that we speak up AND listen, rather than yelling over the person in front of you with a different opinion, or simply not speaking at all. Speak up and listen up cause its about time we start making healthy change rather than worrying about spooking people like horses. Freedom of speech is our right, so use it- but don't use it as your excuse to be a jerk, you aren't the only person living on this planet. You have the power to practice tolerance by listening and at least trying to understand, but that doesn't mean you must sacrifice your own opinions and values to accept something you do not believe in- you aren't doing anyone any favors.
With that rant aside, if you decide to change your focus, don't worry about other people throwing their judgement out there. In some cases, it may even be out of concern! When I suddenly changed my focus to PT, nearly everyone questioned me about it. I had people scoffing at the idea, questioning my investment, and telling me that I was "too smart" for Springfield. The fact that they had these opinions did not bother me. There were often times that they even changed initial judgments after I told them that Springfield was a fantastic school for PT, and that I was motivated by helping still just as I was when I was interested in veterinary care.They simply wanted to ensure that the decision I was making was right for me. Did I need to explain myself? No, but I did because I wanted people to understand, and I knew I would be frustrated by those who just had no idea. Point is, don't let others waver your stance and motivations simply because they are questioning you about it, there will be skeptics in everything you do , it does not mean you have to try and please them (they're called skeptics for a reason).
With a new semester and a new year upon us there is so much that is dynamic, motivations have shifted, and people are eager for change! So maybe instead of being skeptical, we try to understand. And instead of trying to please everyone we please OURSELVES!  Crazy concept right? I must be such a selfish individual to even think if that! But ever hear the expression "you can't pour from an empty cup"? I've learned so far, that I have been the most successful in helping my friends, when I help myself first. Just like when you're on an airplane and the flight attendant specifically tells the parents to put their oxygen masks on in the case of an emergency before their children's? That instruction goes against every parent instinct they have - but what happens if you run out of air before you can successfully put on your child's mask? Then both of you are screwed, whereas if you put on your mask first, you would've been able to effectively put your child's mask on as well. The same concept can be applied to helping out a friend or family in times which they need it most. Be the best you, and know how to teach others to be their best selves- doesn't sound so selfish now, does it?
Now , I know this post is super long and ranty and lecturey and I apologize profusely, but I just have one more point to add that kinda smacked me in the face yesterday, and that is the importance of going back to your roots. Since being home, I have spent time at high school track practices and meets with a team that I only know half of- why? I'd like to say that its just because I need the access to equipment they have, and that I am not attached by the heart to a team that I am not even an athlete on anymore, but then I'd be lying through my keyboard. I will always find a home in that team, and I will always find comfort in going back whether I know 30 people, or just 3 of them. Most people assume that I go back to teach and simply try my hand at coaching...in saying this they wouldn't be completely wrong. I do love the opportunity to show people I care about, whether I had known them for three weeks, or five years- what I know from a coaching standpoint, however, I will never teach them as much as they teach me everyday. I have experienced more in the past three weeks spending hours with a team, that time forced me to walk away from two years ago, than I ever will in a coaching class at school. They give me the motivation to continue doing track at school, to complete weeks of rehab when I'm injured, and to be the best athlete and student I can be- for them. When I lose the motivation to do it for myself, I know I will always be motivated for them because there is nothing I want more than to see each and every single one of them succeed in every thing they do, and to always remind them to learn when success doesn't simply greet them at the front door. When I witness them succeed, my heart couldn't be happier- everything becomes worth it. I could not be more grateful for everything thing they have taught me and allowed me to be a part of, and I would never be able to recognize that, if I had simply forgotten my roots.
AND I am grateful for all you reading! Thanks for enduring my long posts that may not even make sense, but it means the world to me that you at least take the time to read.
Best wishes in this New Year and may you all be your best you :)
With Love and Gratitude,
A Duck Doing Her Bestest

Making a Comeback

Hey everyone! 

It's been a long time since I've written a post and I think it's about time I start back up again. Something that's been frequenting my thoughts in the past 7 months is being humble and grateful- for me this has been on my mind in times of loss, extreme happiness, and just about every other situation I can think of because I truly believe we could all benefit from being a little more humble and grateful! For example, this semester was one of the toughest I have ever had, as it was for a lot of people I know. I experienced the death of someone dear, the loss of several great friends, and an overwhelming amount of work and activity throughout the semester-but it is what it is. Personally, my theme for the past semester was exactly that, because in life, "stuff" happens. If you have control over the situation and can change it-great! But in many cases there are just certain things that are completely out of our control, in times like these it is so important to learn to adapt and accept it - stop harping on it, and move on.  So many people focus on what is lost rather than what still remains, they look at the negative instead of the positive-we all do it. Looking to negativity in a situation that is not ideal is natural, so let's break our habit! I'm not in any way saying that we have to be this happy , bouncy being every waking moment of our lives ; honestly that's exhausting just thinking about it ... But if we all make an effort to look at the positive side of one negative situation everyday, maybe we won't see quite as many situations as negative at all! For example, the passing of my late mentor this year devestated me for over a week, a natural and healthy reaction . But now, I look back and am grateful for all he taught us, I look back and am humbled by the wisdom he brought to every class and every life he touched. Recently, I made a visit to his classroom expecting to be flooded with emotion; yet I was comforted more than anything else. I made a vow to myself when I found out he had died that I would never let him leave my life again. Thinking back on his life and my interactions with him gives me direction and motivation. He has given me the aspiration to "do everything with purpose and focus" , a point that does not come so easily in our everyday lives. Not every move has to be calculated and precise, that was not his meaning - but when we do everything in such a rut , with such routine day in and day out, we forget why we're here. We forget our purpose! That's no fun...! Remembering to think in terms of humility and gratitude puts us in the mind set of purpose without us even realizing it, and with the New Year here , it's not a bad time to start. So with all the positive energy I can muster - Happy New Year, I can honestly say that I am so grateful and humbled by every single one of you! 

A Duck Reinspired 

A Temporary Farewell

Well Guys,
I really appreciate the support you have given me this year by reading thoughts I never thought mattered. Whether this blog was read by one single person, or thousands- I really would not care to see the difference. The fact that I made a difference through my words to you at some point during this period made more of a difference to me in my quest to find a purpose for myself this year that you will ever know. When my sole purpose in high school was to make people happy, I was more than thrown off guard when those same people no longer surrounded me. I felt like I had no real purpose where I was, back home I was a leader and mentor and I was never made to forget that role. At Springfield, I did everything in my power to prove that I could still be that person for all the lives I was blessed to be a part of during my 18 years in the same hometown. I made time trials in cross-country, stayed in on the weekends, hated myself for the C I was getting in Chemistry, and joined various student organizations. I was determined to make Springfield into what high school had been for me- but I found it impossible. As I came to this harsh reality I began to slip, not necessarily in grades or social standing, but I began to forget who I was. I questioned if I ever knew who I was being that my sole mission in life was to see others smile. I lost sight of what I truly enjoyed in life even though I knew that if I had asked my family and friends they would have told me immediately and been right. It seemed as if everyone knew what made me happy except for me and I was too foolish to ask for help. The year was not lost, I met some amazing people, made some humbling mistakes, and survived with some of my sanity (woo?)! I tried several times to be someone I was not, did everything people expected of me, and almost sustained an ACL injury that would've ended my season... oops. But with that said I'm grateful for what this past year has brought me regardless of its short comings, barriers, and endless questions that still haunt my thoughts to this day.
Though this post is seriously vague and confusing especially after months of not posting, I am about to make it this much more confusing: I will not be posting for a while (as if you haven't already noticed). I'm taking a break to do some writing to myself in attempts to answer some of the questions burning in my head. I did not want to leave you guys hanging as you have been wonderful to me as someone who simply wants their thoughts to be known. If I could share these writings with you I would, but sometimes I don't even know where they lead. I will use them as inspiration for future posts when my feet know paths that take more than just left turns (track puns) and when I can truly put out some clear writing that y'all can understand.
Thanks for being wonderful and I hope that sometime in the (hopefully) near future you'll be reading from this Duck again.
This Duck is going on the pursuit of Happiness,
A Duck Inspired

Seeing into the Future

Over the past semester I have caught myself thinking, more than once, "I wish I could have seen if this was worth it" when things haven't gone my way with either people or things in my life. For classes I think this after I get a bad grade on a test, "well I wish I would've studied more" or "I could've studied less , this test is nothing". I blame my inability to see the future, or the difficulty of the test rather than own up to the fact that I should've studied more or in a different way. In reality, I should just be owning up to my own mistake, learning from it, and moving on. With other people, I wish that I could see if they were actually as invested as I am in a friendship or a relationship, to see if I should put in the same amount of effort or if I should just leave. But this isn't me either- why should I base how much I care on how much others care? I'm not saying that someone who does not appreciate you should deserve all your attention, but if you happen to care about that person- why hold back? Life isn't meant to be lived in moderation- feel with your entire heart, learn with your entire being, and be open completely to new experiences. If something is new to you, let it scare you-but don't let it stop you. Don't let your fear of not knowing what to do, where to go, or how to act stop you from something that could be wonderful. Let others teach you, take a leap of faith once in a while, something new is not the end-all be-all of your life. A relationship, for example, is terrifying for a lot of people- it is new, it is foreign, it is awkward-but could it be worth it? One may argue "I am happy with what I'm doing now, why would I try something new if what I'm doing is working just fine? " Valid point, but a point I've heard way too many times in the past year. Just because you are happy now, does not mean you need to block yourself off from all other aspects of life- this is simply an excuse for your fear. Stop using it. New experiences does not mean giving up the life that you lead now. Though a relationship is compromise, it is not necessarily change - just because you are in a relationship does not mean that the two of you have become one person-no! You are your own person who makes your own decisions, and if you were an extension of someone else it would not be healthy. Your partner does not have to always agree with you or your decisions, they don't have to be attached at the hip- they simply have to be supportive and respectful. Respect and support is important in any relationship, romantic, familial- anything. Respecting the fact that people are responsible for their own decisions and actions is important so that it does not become a controlling relationship, and support is important because life sometimes gets the best of us. When it does, having friends/family/a partner that will support you is of the utmost importance. Does this mean that we expect you to baby us or pity us? No. Listening is the best support, when one refuses to listen - whether it is a subject that pertains to them or not, its a slap in the face. It doesn't take much to listen, but it means the world when you do.
Another thing that I will preach until the day I die is- communication. Nothing is more important to the success of any situation or type of relationship than communication. In a work setting there are meetings to discuss progress, task assignments etc. - if we didn't have these meetings, no one would know the status of the company or who should be doing what, and this would probably end in the failure of the company. In a roommate situation, if you are bothered by something and you don't tell them or bring it up, you will never find a solution because the roommate will never see an issue. If you constantly let things build, they're eventually going to blow up in your face (hint hint to those of you who are going to college next year, be a good roommate!). In a team setting, like volley ball for example, you see players yell things during the game like "mine" or "got it" or maybe even call out another player's name. This form of communication helps prevents players bumping into each other, makes sure that the ball isn't missed, and ultimately increases potential of success for the team. So please, if there is anything I want all of you readers to take away from this entire blog it is this-make a genuine effort to communicate with the people in your life. Don't run from them- its going to be uncomfortable in some situations, its going to be new, and you probably are not going to be very good at it at first- but please start trying now, for your sake, for their sake, for the sake of humanity! Communicating is a guaranteed way to show someone that you care, that "you in this", that you are at least trying to make an effort. I learned from so many people and experiences that "communication is key" and one of my life missions is to help people see the truth in that.
So before you wish you could see into the future, remember that you have a role in determining your own future.
Communicate often, keep an open mind, and take responsibility (just remember that life isn't always about responsible decisions, its okay to be a little irresponsible once in a while ).
Lots of love, and much appreciation to all you wonderful readers!
~A Duck Inspired

My Hero(s)

Do you remember elementary or middle school when most of us had to do some sort of project or write a paper on our "hero" in our life (in my case, several times). Every time it was this internal struggle of whether to pick your mom or your dad, or some relative, maybe a friend those were the typical options as a small child. We were always told to pick one hero in our lives and write about them or speak about them etc. One hero...why? In Psychology the subject of heroes came up in discussion and it was said that "a hero is a person who is in the right place at the right time, one time". So now we have two restrictions in our perceptions of a "hero": we can only have one hero and a hero is simply someone in the right place at the right time. No! I am surrounded by heroes-to have just one hero would be miserable. My friends and family are my support beams, they are my heroes because they keep me going everyday, they give me a reason to live. And then there are the unsung heroes in society, not just firefighters, doctors,police, EMTs; what about your mail person? Your fellow custodian? The factory worker in the background? We forget about these people that keep our society, our economy, us as individuals-alive. You mail person keeps you connected, allows for a web of communication, love, business, even that junk mail you can't stand (it has to serve some purpose). Your custodian keeps you out of your own filth, keeps us civil, and allows our quality of life to be livable (we know that some of you would not survive without them...c'mon guys). And the workers we always take for granted because we are in a world where everything just appears on a shelf for us or online - its awesome! But because of this incredible availability to consumers, we forget about the people that make those goods that we use everyday possible for us. Does the definition of hero have to be set in stone? Is it subjective? To me, a hero is personal- there is no right or wrong, black or white, just a whole lot of light when everything else seems dark. So I guess my definition of hero is one word: light. Light helps us to see, light is the warmth that keeps us alive. A hero is a light. So find your light and don't let it go out. Don't shut out important people in your life. Love and be loved (and never be afraid to sound cliché if you truly believe in it).
A Duck Inspired

Loneliness and Loving

Sometimes we lose our place, our way, our mind, and on those days sometimes we feel completely alone. There are two paths from here: Accept loneliness and ignore those around you, or really pause and accept that you have some really awesome people looking out for you. Of course, we all need time alone, time to compose ourselves when we're about to lose it, but don't bar the door forever! People love you, they care about you, and most certainly worry about you. Look around sometime and just think. Think about all the times of frustration, sadness, anger, and desperation you've had. Who was there? No one? Or was it really just you secluding yourself? Now think about who was there in times of happiness, excitement, laughter, and pride. Who was there? Probably the same people that were there for you at your worst. What we don't understand too often is that we don't need to be at our best for people to accept us at our worst. Its okay to let things slip once in a while, failing is not always negative in the scheme of things, and falling in front of people (both literally and figuratively) is better than falling when you're alone because guess what? There are people to help you up and you won't be on the next "Life Alert" commercial! But in all seriousness: next time you feel terribly alone, miserable, or otherwise- ask yourself if you're truly alone. When the answer is "no", let the people who love you in- you may think you're doing them a favor by shutting them out, or "protecting them" but that's when you need to get over yourself. They want to help you, your problems are not the end of their world, and with their support it won't be the end of your world either. Lastly, with Valentine's day here I feel obligated to say this: don't take people for granted. Don't wait to tell anyone that you love them or that you care about them. Sometimes I wonder if we didn't have these holidays built into our calendars, our schedules etc. would we remember to appreciate those around us at all? With a society based so much on time and deadlines we often forget what is truly important in our lives, instead we just try to get through the next item on our to-do list (don't get me wrong, I love my to-do list). So try spreading some of that love I know you all have- pleasantly surprise someone, you'll make their day (maybe even their week!). So throw it back to kindergarten today and do some "Show and Tell", show and tell those you love and those who support you how much you appreciate them.
Love Always,
A Duck Inspired

Pressure These days...

While most parents and some students will tell you that there is more pressure on students today than there ever has been I am here to tell you that we do it to ourselves. Sure, there is a feeling that doing "more" is necessary for success, and of course colleges are looking for the most well rounded student out there but is it truly necessary for us to try and be a part of every activity out there? No. Again, as I have mentioned in my previous post I am a hypocrite and I am that student getting involved with as much as I can get my hands on, but is anyone putting a gun to my head? No. So I guess what I'm trying to say is the cliché, "do what you love". Life is too short to do things that stress you out for no good reason (except for school, that will probably stress you out but its mostly necessary so deal with it). For example, I do track - I LOVE track. Do I get stressed because of it? Of course. As an athlete of any level you often feel pressure to attain and maintain certain standards and reputations, when these standards seem to be infinitely out of reach it gets frustrating and stressful. That being said, when I step back I know that I can always say that the stress was worth it, that track truly does make me happy, that I always have a team to fall back on, and that track has given me more life skills than I could ever imagine. So find your "track", find something not that won't stress you out, but that when it inevitably does, it will be worth it. This being said, you may have more than one "track" in your life....go for it! Until you reach the point where you step back and realize "wow, this is most definitely not worth it", then do everything and anything you can that you love- but know when to stop. Surround yourself with people who will remind you why you participate in whatever activity it is and will try to stop you from doing whatever that is when you don't realize how unenjoyable it truly is for you (make sure those people will also stay friends with you when you tell them they are wrong countless times because only you can realize and make the decision to stop).
This being said: find something you can do besides your "track", as the hypocrite I am I really haven't found that yet, but I do recognize that I love John Green books and mugs full of orange blossom tea so when all else fails- you can find me in a corner reading with a mug of tea (approach cautiously). SO if you can't find some other activity to keep you occupied, at least find your "John Green and Tea" , because we all need to walk away from the things we love most sometimes especially when we're frustrated. Time away usually brings perspective and reason (and sometimes even makes you less stressed!), if you continue to be miserable- you might consider reevaluating your favorite activity. If you do make the decision to stay with that activity, please do us all a favor- do not be a chronic complainer. Of course we all complain, and of course there is always a point where we just feel like everyone and everything is against us. I promise you- we are not all out to get you, take this a your cue to step back and reflect a little....or curl up in your corner with your mug of tea. You will get through it and there are people that will help you always (and if you don't believe that, then come find me) but DO NOT complain all the time about every little thing in your life. I promise you that eventually those people will no longer want to help you, they might anyways, but just know- it is not an enjoyable task.
At this point of the year, stress level vary- high school students are submitting applications to college or catching up on the homework they've waited to do until the last two days of vacation, college students are in the middle of their luxuriously long break (either ready to get back to school or wishing they never have to return), and everyone else is either back to work, or on retirement, Granted, these are hugely stereotypes and I could be completely off base but the point is- we are all stressed at some point. Just because you are not stressed, does not mean that other people can't be stressed (students: just because we are stressed does not mean that our parents can't be stressed too....just remember that)- know that everyone is fighting their own battle and just try to be civil to everyone (even if you feel it quite impossible). So I guess if you take anything out of this I hope it is this: Do track and read John Green ....so , do what you love and then some. Oh, and be nice. Please just please be nice as much as humanly possible because the way I see it, there is nothing this world needs more than a bit more positivity.
A Duck Inspired